I’m beginning to understand why people follow instagram accounts and blogs about people pretending they have their shit together just because they drink smoothies and do yoga every day before 6 am. As I settle into this new life living without my family, I value it more and more when our flat doesn’t have to be a complete mess before somebody gets the idea to clean up. I love when the dishes are done and I have enough time in the morning before work to read a chapter in my book and organise my To Do list and do my makeup properly. My room at home used to be the biggest mess and I didn’t care, but in this flat is bothers me a lot. I don’t know why. I just want it to be pretty.
I’m actually thinking about getting one of those pink flip phones we all wanted in 7th grade that don’t have apps or anything. I’m doing it under the pretence of wanting a less cluttered and smart phone – dominated life. It really shocked me when last month I left my phone at home (which I NEVER EVER do), went to the post office with a package just to realize that the address I needed was on my phone, just to realize that I can’t call anybody because of the address, just to realize I had no idea where me and my friends were meeting up later.
But it might also be that the phone right now is the highest quality phone I need and want and can afford right now so instead of pining after a better phone I’m pining after a different aesthetic. This makes sense in my head, but I don’t know if it does written down or in general. Which is not to say that trying to live without a smart phone for some time wouldn’t be a great idea, but it’s probably a lot harder than I’m imagining. I should just use one of my actual old phones and see if I still like it so much once I have to live without google / texting / instagram / twitter / all my e-mails always at hand.
What’s been bothering me a lot lately is that I’m behind on my blog posts. I don’t mean the upload schedule (that’s a mess anyway) but I’m behind on the posts I want to write. It’s like, I have this list of posts I should / want / need to write in my head, but the one I’m actually excited about writing is always at the very end of that list while it only makes sense to start in the beginning. Right now, on the very top is a seminar on sexism in daily life that I went to a few weeks ago that just needs to be written about, full stop. I’d started the post a day after returning but abandoned it for the lack of time, and since then ideas have just been piling up on top of it. So I guess the solution my brain came up with right now is to rant about the problem itself which isn’t even that big of a problem.
I guess I just need to put something out there because I’m frightened I’ll get all stuck again and won’t post for a month and that’s not helpful for anyone. I’ll write about that seminar, I’ll write about this book I’m reading (because damn), I’ll write about my trip to London and after this weekend, I’ll write about my family visiting me and my work place.
My posts are turning more and more diary-like, but if that’s what I’m enjoying right now (hint: it is) then nothing’s going to stop me. I just hope you’ll enjoy reading it.
I’m seriously wondering: Do you know that feeling when you don’t know where to start writing so you just, kind of, don’t? Did you find a solution for yourself already? What are your thoughts on lifestyle bloggers / instagrammers / etc. – do they motivate you or make you feel worse about yourself? Let’s chat!