Loss of Passion

I will state the obvious first. I feel horrible.
Now that this confession is out of the way… I still don’t really feel better. Hah.
Maybe some of you can relate and even went through this themselves.
I am talking about the sad realisation that you have lost the motivation in things you were once so passionate about.
    For me it is the fire I felt when I talked about issues of women and LGBTQ related topics. Or the anger I felt when somebody disrespected my opinion.
Or just that I enjoyed reading or dancing at home.
It all vanished. It feels like multiple layers of fog weigh down everything I appreciate and like and love?
    Generally speaking it is not bad to be like ‘shrug emoji’ towards most things.
Indifference towards some topics or towards specific decisions can be refreshing.
But as soon as it infiltrates almost every aspect of your daily life, let it be what you like to do down to if you eat, it is really bad.
    And I am here saying that this is a problem. My problem to be honest.
There has been a small period where I even lost my appetite. And you can ask anyone. My appetite is endless normally. Food or drinks or…other things.
It has already been quite some time. Quite a long while where i feel like I am wasting
away. All my aspirations and stuff.
But I am definitely trying to conquer my passion back.
It might not be the best idea to try it on my own, but. There is no but. I should
get medical help.
But I think that opening up about it genereally, to my best friend and random people on the internet already is a great deal for me.
Small steps of recovery? I guess that’s it.
Moving out was pretty helpful too.
More on that next time because it is a huge topic in itself. It will also deliver a better explanation for the huge gap between posts.
Maybe it is also just a poor excuse but. Shrug emoji.
    Whatever. I pat myself on my back now because I finally finished a damn post.
*pat pat*
And thus I hopefully broke the curse.
xoxo,
  Vivi
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